4 Qualities Of A Successful Relationship, From A Therapist

Love, in successful relationships, is people creating for each other a sense of being safe, cared about, trusted, and trusting. These are the essential qualities of the openness that allows us to relax and contribute our best to each other–the best of our listening, patience, generosity, courage, and even creative problem solving.

Everything we want and need from each other flows, or fails to flow, through the open channel we create day by day, moment by moment. And the very good news is that in every unfolding moment we have the next opportunity for creating this kind of love.

The typical romantic story of love is the story of finding that special someone. At the end, the two people ride off into the sunset. But that is just the beginning. The relationship you want is not something you get simply by choosing the right partner, putting a ring on your beloved’s finger, and scheduling a caterer. Love in successful relationships is built in each moment.

When the surf’s up, you grab your boards and go have a good time, laughing at all the times you fall off.

No surf? You sit on the beach remembering together the great times you’ve had. Or take the opportunity to find out what each of you wants for the future.

Storm? Maybe caused by external conditions, like a pandemic, or internal conditions, when one of you is upset, cranky, blue. You find a quiet place. Make sure you’re safe. Help each other get comfortable. Then you try to figure out together what the injuries are, how to repair them, what you can you learn from this storm, and how you can minimize future storms.

Let’s look at how you build this kind of love.

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