What Is It, 6 Common Signs & How To Deal

“As a psychoanalyst, we’re always sort of looking for the connection to our childhoods,” Spinelli says. “A bit of a snapshot is, of course, we go back to what was modeled by our parents.”

Say you had helicopter parents who were always around and super involved in your life. They took care of everything and tended to be a little overprotective. They may have cheered you on and kept you safe, but they were also creating a shaky foundation for your adult self—one where you felt unsure or anxious when it came time to make a decision or do something for yourself. (This could also be the case for those with controlling parents or snowplow parents.)

On the other end of the spectrum, say you grew up in an abusive or neglectful household where you were always shut down. “Again, you never really learned how to be an adult,” says Spinelli. The fear and insecurity you grew up with manifests into an adult who isn’t sure of themselves and is afraid of doing the wrong thing. So they avoid doing anything.

And if you came from a place of economic or emotional hardship, where you never learned how to handle money or relationships, the idea of staying in a state where that stuff didn’t matter so much can be appealing.

In the end, all it all comes down to is what you learned as a kid, and what your parents or guardians modeled for you. 

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